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Pre-settlement: Unspoken Truths

The traditional family - a middle-class bread-winning father and a stay-at-home mother, married to each other and raising their biological children - is a persistent notion among many policymakers, politicians, and wealthy political activists. However, most American households no longer fit this definition.

Moreover, researchers at prestigious think tanks sponsored by the same wealthy activists play a substantial, behind the scenes, role in shaping child support and other family laws and policies. They claim that marriage is America's greatest weapon against child poverty. They do not explain why there are over 53 million married people in this country making less than $15,000 per year.

What no one likes to talk about are the root causes of divorce. The Cleek and Pearson study (1985) found the primary cause of divorce to be communication problems. However, to speak of other well-known causes of divorce is taboo.

The following problems are tragically avoided. They should also be addressed even before a divorce is considered:

  • Unresolved childhood traumas
  • Personality disorders
  • Abusive behavior
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance or activity addiction

The benefit of professional diagnosis and treatment of these problems now is to bring more truth into each parent's perspective as they contemplate divorce or rehabilitation. The focus is on pinpointing problems and on each parent's commitment to change their role in the issues, rather than blaming the other parent or family member.

The risk of taking these undiagnosed problems into a divorce process - cooperative or adversarial - is that you will most likely end up in hostile family court litigation either way. There you will see how these problems are used over and over in family court to plunge you into conflict and siphon legal and expert fees from your family. Those parents who were traumatized as children can become re-traumatized in the divorce process, leading to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).

For example, parental alienation - a form of child abuse that is very common in adversarial divorce cases - is typically caused by a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder. The alienating parent attempts to ban the targeted parent from their child or children's life and often shows early signs of hostile aggression during separation.

Other family members or friends, and psychologists, attorneys, judges, and general magistrates, can contribute significantly to the alienation process. It can cost tens of thousands of dollars in legal and expert fees to prove parental alienation to a family court.

On the other hand, a family court's refusal to acknowledge a simple and noticeable change in circumstances can lead to unmanageable child support debt, which then serves as a legal justification for continued child abuse.

Florida Families cultivates a cooperative environment by encouraging parents to address these problems before making crucial divorce decisions.